Why I Like Having Kids (and not the obvious reasons) #1

I can talk to myself. Aloud and a lot.

It’s not madness: it’s language building and attentive parenting. When I used to talk to myself I got very odd looks. You know the sort of thing; walking around the shops saying ‘where are those sneaky pine nuts hiding?’ or wandering around the house armed with a fly swat and a rolled up mag asking ’where HAS that stinky fly gone?’ or finding a seat at the movies whispering ‘where are those sneaky pine nuts hiding?’. Very odd looks. Of course I knew why, it was a sign of madness to talk when no one is listened. I was well up to speed with the signs of madness from my childhood playground (no not from the psych degree). Everybody knew the first sign was having hairy palms, and the second sign was talking to yourself. If you were ever caught chatting alone as you shaved the insides of your hands it’s fair to say you were off to the funny farm before you could say ‘where is my comprehensive psychiatric assessment?’

But now I have kids, my solo random commentary and perpetual questioning is not considered madness but rather great language-building chit chat. Speech Therapists even recommend it. When I get those very odd looks now, I just roll my eyes and nod towards the kids as if to say ‘it’s hard work but I am just trying to do the right things for the little ones, naming all the food products in the aisle increases their vocabulary.’

And I look even less mad now that the kids actually answer me: ‘I don’t know mum, where are those sneaky pine nuts, they are so hard to find?!’ Great work honey, no trip to the funny farm for mummy today! Or this typically brilliant response from my helpful 4 year old: ‘I don’t know where that stinky fly is mum, I will call cousin Ben on my hand-phone and ask him. Beep beep beeeeeep. Ring rrrring. Hi Ben, it’s me, no we haven’t seen each other for a long time! I love baseball too, I scored a goal.’ He doesn’t even have a cousin Ben. I think I can hear the funny farm calling on the other line...