Stop BREATHING!! Over-thinkers, relaxation and therapy

I read and use a lot of books on anxiety with my clients. Picture books, workbooks, clinical manuals, self help shlock, the lot. I keep buying books because they changed continuously over the years. Science is a lot of trial and error, fortunate accidents, ongoing research and continual growth.

When I first started treating anxiety (and its good friend Over-thinking), I used concepts driven by Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). This might include externalising the ‘worry monster’ so we could feel more in control of it. We would battle the worry monster together by stopping it in it’s tracks. There was always time and space for talking about worries (it wasn’t a shut-down of all old psychotherapy techniques) but the worry monsters were trained and tamed. These methods continue to work well and I still use them, particularly with kids and parents who love that pro-active problem-solving approach to everything.

The books I use more often now have taken a shift from CBT in two ways. One is that they are now often much more scientific. We are empowering clients with the knowledge of how their brain functions (i.e the role of the amygdala and chemicals such as adrenaline and dopamine). The other way is the use of ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) and mindfulness in modern western therapy. No one (hopefully) is under the illusion that western psychological science came up with mindfulness techniques but we have certainly borrowed and use them widely.

In some ways mindfulness is the opposite to the old CBT methods in that worries are not considered a monster to battle. Worries, like all emotions and thoughts, are something our brain has come up with for various reasons and we don’t need to stomp our feet and scream WORRIES BE BANISHED!! every time they surface. Mindfulness encourages us to accept and notice our worries and then let them float away by either becoming aware of our present environment or using relaxation techniques to keep our stress levels and adrenalin at bay. Being comfortable at all times is not the goal because we need to try new things, take risks, make mistakes, get nervous, make changes, and cope with obstacles and traumatic events but we can use relaxation techniques to gently stop our brains taking our bodies on a fast ride to panic town.

Now, here’s the thing. The most commonly used relaxation technique - that has been consistently taught all through the CBT era, and now into the world of mindfulness - is breathing. You know the one, slow deep breaths in and out of the low abdominal area (not the chest) and usually with some kind of in - hold - count to a certain number - and out - hold and in - hold process. I use it with clients all the time - the kids love the ‘hot cocoa breathing’ (hold the pretend mug and smell the hot chocolate then blow on it to cool it down - add marshmallows for extra deliciousness!) and the adults prefer something more subtle (finger counting, figure 8 breathing etc).

And what, my over-thinking friends, do you think about the breathing technique???

Do I hear you say IT SUCKS????

Hot Chocolate, I will love you forever if you don’t make me do the breathing thing…

If you did say that, I want to reassure you that you are not alone. It may seem like you are because every book, website, therapist and person-on-the-street will have told you that breathing is the ultimate relaxation technique and you need to master it to master your worries and over-thinking.

THEY ARE WRONG I PROMISE!!

Of course when you try any technique for the first time you are unlikely to have immediate success. I have worked with loads of people that have learned to use breathing techniques after lots of good practice and persistence. But I have also worked with loads of people who have learned how to live and cope with the extra-special-bonus-super-sized thoughts and worries without using breathing techniques. I have come across kids and adults who have become dizzy and stressed through constant attempts to master breathing techniques. I have even known people who have vomited and some who have fainted, which kinda defeats the purpose.

For some people, the need to get the breathing process perfect sets off a stressful event. To some people just focussing on their breathing makes them hyperventilate. I had a child tell me when she tried to do breathing techniques she felt like she was drowning. Not ideal. Certainly not relaxing.

So over-thinkers, worriers, and those of you who think breathing techniques suck the big one, please feel welcome to use other ways, new ways, old ways, ways that suit you better.

You might be a five-toe-squeezer, an ear-lobe squisher, someone who names three things they can see/hear/feel, a think-about-a-lovely-place visualiser, a call-a-friend chatter, a go-for-a-walk naturist. Whatever you are into and however you are learning to work through it, you are fine if it is the right thing for you…

Just stop breathing…